Ok, I am struggling about the final paper now.
After my presentation, no time left for you guys to ask questions, but I still find some place to be improved by myself.
The first one is my thesis statement. I was trying to put all the things I have learned from the first and secondary resources into one paper. So sometimes it seems their relation to each other is weak. And my topic is "whether the true friendship could exist on the social media", but I also talked about other two kinds of friendship and how could they exist on the social medias. So maybe I still need to think about how to make my thesis statement better fit with my whole paper.
Second is the use of primary resources. I used lots of secondary resources and my own discussions in my paper, but it lacks the supports from the primary resources, or just provide a weak and unsatisfied support. So what I am doing on my rough draft is to make the support from the primary resources much stronger and more convincing.
Third is the logic in my whole paper. Even though it is not really a big problem comparing to the formal two, during my presentation, I still think it messed up. So what I am going to do is to write down all the topic sentences together, and rearrange their relations from each other.
These sound like good things to be focusing on to improve your paper.
ReplyDeleteWell, I haven't read your paper...but these all sound like logical places to start. I'm struggling with my paper too, but at least you can take solace in the fact that your topic is both entertaining and interesting! I know you were rushed during the presentation, but I felt you had put together everything well for the time slot you had to work with. In what way do you think your logic is messed up?
ReplyDeleteWhile presenting, I thought the organization of your analyses was sound.
Then again--I haven't read your paper, like I said. A tip though: If you're afraid of your primary sources sounding weak it doesn't necessarily mean you should quote from them more, just---explain and interact with them more. For example, instead of just saying "Mr. Fish said this and it means this" you could go on to explain "Mr. Fish said this and it means this, though here, I disagree/agree with him because -that- " and tie it into your paper.
...Unless of course you need more words, which in that case--ALL THE QUOTES CAN BELONG TO YOU! :)
In any case, best of luck!
-Tali
Your presentation was very impressive the ideas and principles which you brought forth were not only interesting, but you seemed to genuinely enjoy learning about your sources. Although you were rushed you did not seem flustered at all and you seemed to let your knowledge of the subject come through in your ability to break down your thought process and explain how you came to your conclusion. I would love to read the whole paper.
ReplyDeleteI hope you continue to enjoy the US!
- Leo
I had never thought about having true friendship over social media before I listened to your presentation. It is a really interesting idea and I liked your presentation. I thought it was awesome when you compared Utility friendship to Facebook games where you need people to give you stuff. I thought that was hilarious, but not in a bad way. It made a lot of sense and it's awesome that you saw that. Your presentation was interesting and I enjoyed it.
ReplyDelete